Random musings on that presidential chat…

Accents. December 30, 2015 was not a good day for most Nigerians. President Buhari spoke at his inaugural “Presidential Media Chat” and that upset them. Poor Buhari. He can catch no break. If he doesn’t speak, everybody wails, ‘Baba, talk to us na, SMH!!!” If he speaks, everybody wails, “OMG! Baba shut up!” Yesterday all of Nigeria was in mourning. The best way to decribe it is if all the teams in the British Premier League played on the same day – and they all lost. Imagine the wailing and gnashing of teeth on the streets of Nigeria. Pretty much everybody agrees now that President Buhari should not do media chats again, ever, never, ever, never. I happen to agree. I do think there should be media chats – featuring just Lai Muhammed and the interviewer Ngozi Anyaegbunam. Just kidding! Just kidding! Drop your stones, SMH.

I actually enjoyed the media chat, even  before I watched it. The Igbo have an ancient saying, that Facebook comments are always more interesting than the original post. This was especially true with Buhari’s media chat. I kept laughing and fainting and dying as APC die-hards, Buharists, breathlessly tweeted and Facebooked their alarm, despair and disgust as their man Buhari kept mangling any and everything remotely resembling rigorous thought. It was cute, how PDP enthusiasts kept consoling the Buharists [“Ndo! It is well, this too shall pass, it doesn’t worth it, Buhari is useless, that is the crust of the matter, see him passing the bulk, SMH! Hiss!! Nonsense!!! Don’t cry!!”]. The tweets and Facebook posts, I must say were hilarious. I don’t need to post any here, they are everywhere.

Nigerians are proud people, they like to look and sound good. You can do anything you like, but don’t disrespect Nigerians by not representing them well. Buhari did not represent them well at the media chat. I finally watched the videoclip of the media chat; it was bad, but not as bad as it could have been. The interviewers were not the best, save for Ibangy Isine, the Premium Times representative. He at least looked like he had done his homework. Ms. Ngozi Anyaegbunam should not be allowed near a microphone again, ever. To say she was awful would be to disrespect the word “awful.” In general, the interviewers missed a golden opportunity to ask systemic questions, rather than “who chop meat” kinds of questions. The other way to look at it is that Buhari is incapable of big picture questions. He stubbornly refused to rise to the occasion at each opportunity. He sat there like a Nigerian iceberg glowering at himself and the world. He clearly has no idea what it takes to run a modern state, it just seemed like he had not read anything of substance for 30 years, as if he had been locked away in solitary and the keys thrown away. Does he have advisers who brief him every day? Poor Buhari, he still longs for the days of decrees and house arrests, democracy is in his way. And he pretty much said that. It was bad.

I have to say I love Buhari’s accent *dodges slaps* I honestly do, it is the only thing presidential about him. He should speak Hausa and use an interpreter. Let the West use English subtitles, who cares? They will anyway, even if he speaks what we think is English. My sense however is that it was his accent and delivery that upset Nigerians the most. Nigerians love style over substance. This time there was neither style nor substance. They came for suya, they did not smell suya, did not smell the smoke, did not hear the sizzle, certainly did not even eat the onions. Nigerians are steamed, and they are not having it.

Since 1999, it appears that the chief objective of democracy has been to humiliate Nigerians with leaders that are quite honestly unpresentable. Whenever Obasanjo would speak on CNN, they would use subtitles, as if he was speaking a rare variant of Yoruba. He came across as opinionated, arrogant, but poorly read. I still wonder what he is going to put in his presidential library. I met Yar’Adua once, I liked his delivery, he came across as humble and well read. I could never bear to watch Goodluck Jonathan. He was poorly read and did not look anywhere near presidential. I loved Madam Patience though, just loved the poetry of her delivery. I never understood her, to be honest. I did not know she was speaking English until someone told me that she was. And this was long after she’d left office. Yes, she was president of Nigeria. Her husband was simply warming the seat. Now, that is how to be a feminist.

I do miss the days when our leaders made us proud when they spoke. Leaders like Tafawa Balewa, Yakubu Gowon, Odumegwu Ojukwu, etc. etc.. We were respected world wide. Go to the archives and see how prepared and dignified Yakubu Gowon and Victoria Gowon were when they were guests at Buckingham Palace. Ah! Victoria! *swoons* Compare those halcyon times to the buffoonery that was the visit to the White House by Buhari and the boys. I am still crying. Here, watch Tafawa Balewa’s visit to the U.S. Compare it to today. You wil cry.


I shall be back in the new year.

– Signed, Your favorite rascal, Ikhide